10 Ways To Help Your Child Successfully Return to School
read from article source by Sandra "Sam" Trapani
Whether parents like it or not, we are our children’s barometers.
How they react to potentially stressful situations like the first day
back at school depends on how we act. Teach your child that you believe
in her and know she can tackle any challenges that come up during this
new school year.
by Sandra "Sam" Trapani
During your children’s school career, there will be many new
beginnings they’ll have to face. From those first anxious moments when
they wave goodbye to you from the preschool door to when they enter the
hallways of a new middle or high school as awkward teenagers, change and
resiliency will be key factors in how they handle the stress of any new
chapter.
As parents we wish we could just wiggle our noses as the character
Samantha did on the 1960s TV show Bewitched and make these transitions
smoother for our kids. Of course we can’t, but we can help them become
increasingly independent, which can empower them to deal with change.
Kenneth Shore,
a school psychologist for more than 25 years and a lecturer at Rutgers
University in New Jersey, wants parents to feel reassured that in time,
most children will adjust to any new situation.
At the same time, Shore, who is the author of six books including
The
ABCs of Bullying Prevention and The Parents’ Public School Handbook:
How To Make the Most of Your Child's Education, From Kindergarten
Through Middle School, says parents’ fears about change are
real. “Their concern is well-placed. Starting a new school year or
changing schools can be just as stressful for children as a change in
jobs would be for their parents,” he says. “For many children, their
school is the center of not only their educational life but of their
social and recreational life, as well. While beginning a new school year
or school holds the promise of something new and different, children
often are more worried than excited. Their jitters are natural and
should be expected.”
For parents of preschool- and kindergarten-age children, those
jitters can be especially acute for both the children and the parents.
For many, it’s the first time they are truly separating from each other.
Shannon Dow, head teacher and education coordinator at the
Children’s Montessori Center
in Danvers, Mass., and the mother of two children, says educators
really understand that this can be an emotionally charged time for kids
and moms and dads.
“Most new children coming to our school are separating from their
parent for the first time,” Dow says. “Because of this, we spend a lot
of time and energy educating the parents on the process of separation.
“Many parents,” she continues, “assume their child will be fine and
will start school without any issues; however, this is not always the
case. Each year is a new year and the children return to school at
different stages in their development.” In fact, Dow says, she and her
fellow educators have found that “all children go through separation
anxiety and display their feelings in many different ways.”
Shore says parents today tend to hover and be more protective than
parents in past generations, and they often want to “fix” any anxiety or
stress their kids may be facing. But this doesn’t do children any good
in the long run.
“We don’t always give kids a chance to work through the anxiety they
are experiencing,” Shore says. “The great majority will, in time, adjust
to all sorts of changes. It is the rare case that causes any kind of
trauma.”
This is comforting for parents as a new school year looms and
excitement levels are high—as are worries about what the new academic
year holds. To that end, and because children look to their parents for
reassurance in new situations, Dow suggests that parents try to keep
their own anxieties hidden. She says parents should show a happy, upbeat
attitude toward the new school year because when the parents’ demeanor
reflects a sense of trust in the teachers, the school, and the new
environment, research shows that children are typically more successful.
Here are
10 ways you can help your child have a smooth return to school and start the new school year on a positive note.
1. Chat with your child. Keeping an open line of
communication is important. Encourage your child to talk about any
feelings he is experiencing. Remember that change is stressful not only
for you but for your child, as well. He may need to vent those feelings;
be patient during this time. Let him know that these feelings are
normal. “Be patient—adjustment time for every kid is different,” says
Shore, adding that “it will take three to four weeks for most kids to
start to feel comfortable.”
2. Create a sense of community. Feeling a part of
things is important for children at every age. You can help by providing
chances for your child to make new friends. “Your children will feel
more comfortable going to school if they know at least one other student
in their class,” Shore says. “If you move during the summer, find out
the names of children who live nearby and are the same age as your
children. Put aside social inhibition and try to arrange some play dates
so your children can meet those children,” Shore says. “The social
connections will be important in your child’s overall adjustment to
school.”
Even if your child hasn’t moved or changed schools, getting in touch
with classmates before school starts can help break the ice for many
kids. Pediatric nurse practitioner and mother Meredith Pasciuto from
Dedham, Mass., suggests reconnecting with friends just before school
starts.
“I know my middle schooler gets very anxious since he does not know
who will be in his class until the very first day of school,” Pasciuto
says. She knows that a late summer get-together of his friends from the
end of the previous school year can “give him confidence that even if he
doesn’t have his very best friend in class, he will most likely have
someone from the group.”
3. New school? Keep the old friends, too. If your
child is starting at a new school, parents can help bridge the emotional
gap between making new friends and leaving a familiar circle of friends
by encouraging kids to keep in touch. This is particularly important
for middle and high school children. “This age group places a great
importance on their friends and consequently the transition can be
harder,” Shore says. “Helping them make and keep those connections is
important.” He adds that it’s easy today for kids to stay in touch with
friends from other communities thanks to cell phones, Internet phone
calling, and social media. “This can help a lot,” he says.
4. Get the kids involved. Create opportunities for
your children to meet others their own age who have similar interests.
Some examples include public library and recreation programs, scouting,
sports teams, and church groups.
5. Parents should get involved, too. Make time to
meet the other parents and get to know your child’s friends and
teachers. Volunteer to be a room parent or maybe coach your child’s
sports team this year.
6. Visit the school. Arrange a visit to the school
with your children before school begins, Shore suggests. “You’ll want to
find out about school hours, lunch policy, bus arrangements, and the
school calendar. Ask if you can have a brief tour of the school. While
walking around, make note of other students’ dress so you can help your
children dress in a way that helps them feel comfortable.”
7. Get into a groove. Since having a routine helps
reduce worry and stress, establishing back-to-school procedures is
important. And it’s important to begin these procedures a week or so
before school starts. Help your child know what’s expected of him each
night before school: Practice having him lay out his clothes the night
before, then brush his teeth and read before bed. Same goes for the
morning routine: Have your child practice waking up on time, getting
dressed, eating breakfast, then leaving for school on time. Doing this
before school starts will help everyone know what to anticipate—and that
means things are bound to go more smoothly on that first day of school.
8. Get organized. Take the time to create order.
Designate a spot where backpacks will go, create folders for each child
where the plethora of papers that come home from school can be filed,
and have a white board handy to write down things you don’t want to
forget. Also, make sure you have all the tools needed and a place where
your child will study and do homework. Doing all this helps set
expectations before school starts.
9. Don’t talk it up. Pasciuto says that although
many parents like to make a big deal about going back to school, for
some children who are worried about the first day, keeping things
low-key is better. Parents know their child’s personality and understand
whether counting down till the first day is exciting for her or instead
fills her with panic. “One of my sons actually cries when he sees the
back-to-school ads on TV, so we try to keep a sense of normalcy around
the house and don’t begin even talking about back to school till just a
few days before,” Pasciuto says. And make sure your child gets to sleep
on time and eats well. Those two factors alone can affect the mood of a
child.
10. Get regular progress reports. Once the first day
of school has come and gone, you’ll still want to know how your child
is doing. Take time to connect with your child’s teacher, not just at
the beginning of the school year but even after a few weeks or months to
see how your child is transitioning. A child can tell you “everything
is fine,” but is that the reality? Ask the teacher for insights. Is your
child making new friends? Keeping up with the workload? Are there any
challenge areas you should be aware of? The school year is a work in
progress, and parents need to stay involved throughout the year.
More than anything, let your child know that you believe in him and
that he can have a successful first day. And reassure him that you’ll
discuss his first day that evening, when you’re both happily back home.
Talking to Your Child’s Teacher
Read to Grow and Grow to Read Series
Read to Grow and Grow to Read 
Posted by 